11/9/20211 min read

"Gaslighting is exhausting. It is pure crazy making. You don't know if they don't understand, so you try fifty different ways to explain what you meant. Then they circle back to the beginning like nothing was said at all. Nothing is ever resolved and its constantly word salad. They avoid anything that makes them take any accountability. They focus on some random thing you did or didn't do. And by the end of it you have no energy and you feel defeated, especially years of this makes you feel hopeless and exhausted. This is abusive and wears people down." - Maria Consiglio

In strictly psychological terms gaslighting is the process of wearing someone down to eventually gain control over them. It is a technique practiced by narcissistic personalities. Churches like Grace Fellowship typically have narcissistis at the helm. The leader, Mike Reid, tends to be skilled in the art of gaslighting. He will wear you down. If he doesn't get what he wants, he calls another meeting. He talks in circles, and circles back to confuse and disorient you. It is very sinister. And it is exhausting.

These types of leaders will continue to go back to things that you have been in the past. "Remember, when you did this or that?" Your sin is consistently used against you in order to make you feel guilty and defeated. It is an endless battle. A winless war. Gaslighters are patient, and will take the time to wear you down. The strategy is long-term. Repetition is key.

Gaslighting occurs in individual and group settings. It is consistent effort to indoctrinate, leading to group think, leading to control. That is the end game. The good news is the game can be won. The best course of action is to walk away. Don't affirm the narcissistic gaslighter in his fantasy. If you allow him control he'll take it. Stay focused on one thing if you must confront. Keep driving it home. Don't acknowledge his authority. You, as a Christian, belong to Christ not the narcissistic pastor. Stand firm in your beliefs, and get out as soon as you can. This wins the day.